


selfish

by YAMAGUWUCHI



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Bang Chan is a Sweetheart, Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Couch Cuddles, Fluff, Getting Together, Light Angst, Lowercase, M/M, Minor Han Jisung | Han/Lee Minho | Lee Know, Morning Cuddles, Shy Yang Jeongin | I.N, Sleepy Cuddles, Yang Jeongin | I.N-centric, omg i dont think i mentioned felix im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:40:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23998417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YAMAGUWUCHI/pseuds/YAMAGUWUCHI
Summary: in which jeongin and chan fall in love one late night at a time.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Yang Jeongin | I.N, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 8
Kudos: 115





	selfish

**Author's Note:**

> this is not beta read, so please let me know if there’s any mistakes !! 
> 
> enjoy !!

"jeongin?" chan asked, noticing how he was trying to slip past him unnoticed. 

"hyung, hi," the younger acted almost innocently, like he wasn't awake at three in the morning with school in a few hours. 

"why are you awake?" chan's voice was a whisper, and he lifted up his blanket when jeongin approached the couch. 

"couldn't sleep," he answered, leaning heavily against chan while trying not to hit the laptop on top of his legs, "and i was gonna get a drink." 

chan's legs were crossed, and jeongin's side pressed against his, while his own legs were strewn on the cushions beside him. goosebumps prickled his skin where the blanket wasn't covering. 

"here," chan said and handed over a water bottle that was laying on the arm of the couch. jeongin gratefully took a sip. "do you want to talk? you're usually the first one passed out, so something must be on your mind." 

it was true. with the stress of passing school on top of schedules and vigorous practice, it left him exhausted. he didn't even know how he had time to do his homework. 

chan saved whatever he was doing on his laptop and closed it, the only light in the room now being drifted in from the hallway that lead to the bathroom, because too many people tripped before they decided to keep it on. 

"i just-" jeongin started, his voice nervous as he fiddled with his fingers over the blanket. chan noticed and squeezed his hand comfortingly, not letting go afterwards. jeongin tried to ignore how his heart flipped at the action. "i have a crush on someone." 

chan gasped, a smile spreading on his face, "is our baby jeongin finally growing up?" he pinched the maknae's cheeks, causing him to let out muffled giggles behind his hand he used to swat chan's away. "do you have a picture of her?" 

"um," jeongin hesitated, the grin no longer on his face, heart racing at their close proximity and what he was about to confess. "it's a boy." 

"oh," chan's voice softened, and he once again squeezed the other's hand. "do you have a picture of him?" 

jeongin considered pulling out his phone and showing chan the front camera. 

instead, he whined out, "hyung," with a blush covering his face. 

but really, he shouldn't have been nervous to tell anyone, because they all accepted hyunjin after he accidentally said he was gay in front of them. 

but he felt weird, because he liked both boys and girls. and that wasn't normal, right? 

"why's this been eating at you, jeongin-ah?" chan asked, "you know we'd all accept you." 

jeongin decided to rip off the band aid quickly, "is it alright to like both boys and girls?" the question surprised chan, because he had a conversation like this with jisung only a few months ago. 

"why wouldn't it be?" he replied with. "you can like whoever you want to. you don't have to label yourself. you know that, right?" 

"yeah," jeongin sighed out, fully relaxing against chan. he felt a wave of sleepiness wash over him after voicing his thoughts and getting over the initial shock of being so close to his aforementioned crush. his eyes fluttered closed. 

"here," chan's voice made him open his eyes, and he watched as he laid his laptop on the floor next to them. "let me lay down, and then we'll sleep, okay?" 

jeongin drowsily lifted himself off the older, pressing his back against the couch so chan had room to move. after their legs were tangled together, jeongin laid on his chest, eyes immediately closing. 

"chan?" he mumbled, earning a hum in response. "can you be there when i tell the others?" 

"of course, and so will hyunjinnie," he said, almost slipping in jisung's name by accident before catching himself. 

"thank you, hyung," he muttered, and with a blush covering his whole body and his heart beating so harshly he was sure chan could feel it, he fell asleep. 

\- 

jeongin groaned when he woke up, neck sore from being in the same position all night. he knew chan had it worse. 

at the thought, and the feel of chan under him, he jerked up and off him, not missing the way seungmin looked at him questioningly from across the room. 

chan was still sleeping, which was good, great, because he needed even an extra minute of rest. 

"you're gonna be late for school," seungmin said from behind his cup of coffee. 

jeongin groaned again, instantly regretting it after feeling chan move. he didn't wake though, so jeongin carefully laid back down and shook his head, chan's shirt soft against his cheek. 

"no? jeongin-ah, you need-" 

"lemme stay home, hyung," jeongin whined again, albeit softer this time. 

"why?" seungmin asked, his voice low aswell, "you never want to miss school." 

"tired," was jeongin's only response, and he quickly closed his eyes and pretended to sleep when he heard minho's door open. the elder was usually strict about him getting to school. 

he did not want to get up, and he'd try to do anything to make that happen. 

"jeongin-ah?" minho asked softly after seungmin told him why he wasn't ready. "are you feeling okay? sick?" 

jeongin shook his head again, "just need a break, hyung." 

"okay," minho agreed, because he knew how stressed the younger was all the time despite his smiling face. "seungmin- ah, please tell the others to be quiet. chan hyung needs to sleep." 

minho knelt beside the two, and gently shook chan's shoulder, jeongin watching him curiously. didn't he just say chan needs to sleep? 

"huh, minho?" chan muttered sleepily when he turned his head to meet minho's gaze. his grip on jeongin seemed to tighten. 

minho was always softer in the mornings, more affectionate and easily showing how much he cared for the other members. 

"how about you two go sleep in one of your beds, so you're not uncomfortable during practice later, hm?" minho asked softly, running his hands through their hair before standing up. "i'm gonna start breakfast, so i'll wake you up when it's done." 

chan didn't want to get up, but knew he should listen to the younger. with all the strength he could muster after waking up, he clumsily stood while holding jeongin in his arms. 

the younger squeaked, heart beginning to race, gripping chan's shoulders tight as he felt himself slipping. 

chan noticed his laptop that he discarded on the floor earlier sitting on his nightstand, and he made a mental reminder to thank seungmin later. he knew it had to have been him with how early he would always wake before everyone else. 

they made it to jeongin’s bed without any injuries, and they were back in the same position from the couch. jeongin found himself really liking sleeping like this, so close to chan, his scent everywhere. 

he instantly missed the comfort when minho woke them up for breakfast, and he would have done anything to keep chan from going to the studio so early instead of laying in bed with him again. 

\- 

chan's back was beginning to grow numb with how long he was sitting in the studio's chair. so, he stood up, glad to have wireless headphones, and pressed play on the recording. 

he paced the room, nitpicking the track and putting all the things he'd like to change into the back of his mind for when he ran through it again. 

but despite wanting to groan at how many things sounded wrong with it, he kept it inside because of the sleeping male on his couch. 

jeongin grew to love going to the studio with chan. he knew how late his hyung always stayed, so he started to tag along in order to drag him out earlier. though, he usually passed out before midnight. even then, chan left early, almost always carrying jeongin on his back, because he wanted the younger to sleep in a comfortable bed. 

"channie hyung," jeongin whined out, waking up to the sound of padding footsteps. 

when he sat up, chan finally noticed he was awake. 

"innie," he said and took off the headphones, reaching over to press the pause button on the computer. a guilty expression overtook his face. "i didn't mean to wake you." 

"'s fine," he yawned. "let's go home, channie." 

"ten minutes max," chan promised before sitting back down, "c'mere." 

jeongin lazily walked over and dropped himself in chan's lap, his still tired mind not fully realizing how close the elder held him. 

"jisungie, changbin, and i made a demo for our next album. do you wanna listen?" chan asked, already beginning to rewind the track and remove his headphones. 

jeongin enthusiastically nodded, because the three were always so secretive about their music until they finally felt happy with how it sounded. jeongin, even in his sleepy state, knew that chan's pacing and scrunched up face meant that he wasn't fond with the song. 

he made grabby hands towards the headphones, so chan put them over his ears, chuckling softly at how awake jeongin looked now. 

he pressed play and watched jeongin's face as the lyrics continued on and the tune went from soft to rough. 

jeongin couldn't help but adore the song, even if it was a demo and their voices weren't completely warmed up and they were laughing while recording. he loved it just the way it was, and he hated how chan wanted to pick it apart and make it into something completely different. 

"channie," he breathed out when it ended and he took off the headphones. "this is perfect! why do you wanna change it?" he wore a pout and hoped chan would fall into his trap and not change the song at all. 

"first of all, there's five other members that have to be in it," chan started, and jeongin quickly shook his head in protest. 

"no," he whined, curling himself closer and finally feeling his heart rate speed up. "let the others hear it, too! they'll agree with me, i swear it!" 

chan sighed, but left the track alone and logged out of the computer, making sure to save the progress. 

"okay, innie, let's go home." 

\- 

"you're so dense, hyung," jisung said once chan made sure jeongin was in bed, coming out to the living room to get more work done. jisung seemed to have had the same idea. 

he looked quizzically at the younger, trying to search his mind for what he was apparently missing. 

"jeongin is literally in love with you, and you're literally in love with him! if you don't just make out already i'm going to force your heads together," jisung groaned dramatically, but his voice was low. 

chan stuttered, heart picking up at the declaration. 

"how do you even know he likes boys? how do you know i like boys?" chan asked, trying to act as oblivious as possible. if he were to somehow out jeongin, he would never forgive himself. 

but of course chan liked guys. how could he not when someone as soft, sweet, cute as jeongin lived with him. he would never advance on him, though, because he had a guy crush at school. jeongin didn't want him, and it broke his heart. 

he saw jisung roll his eyes, "you're constantly giving each other heart eyes. it's pretty obvious." 

chan couldn't believe it, but he still leaned further down in the chair, exhaling deeply and mumbling, "really?" 

jisung hummed in confirmation, saying, "he's been following you to work for weeks now, because he cares for your health. he's constantly looking at you, like, his eyes go straight to you when he walks in a room with all of us there." 

chan shrugged, still not quite believing it, but letting the fantasy of being with him take over, "it wouldn't work, though. if something bad were to happen, it could ruin stray kids." 

"listen," jisung sighed, eyes softening, and he sat his laptop aside to fully look at chan. "minho hyung and i struggled with the same thought for months, but we realized we were only hurting ourselves by distancing from each other. which, in turn, affected our performance in practices and on stage. if it's meant to be, as cheesy as it sounds, the band can't keep you apart." 

chan, processing all the information slowly with his tired mind, knew he had a lot to think about later on. though, only one thing fully settled right then. 

"you and minho finally got together?" 

jisung chuckled, shyly looking away, "yeah. anyways, how about you go to sleep early, hm? jeongin would want you to." 

chan knew he shouldn't, because they had deadlines and unfinished songs, and slacking off was the last thing he should do. but the thought of disappointing or upsetting jeongin took over his mind. 

so, he left his laptop is jisung's possession in case he needed it, and left to his room. 

he sluggishly climbed to the bunk above minho's, and despite his tired eyes begging to close, he had too much to think about.

things like a wide smile, soft lips, eyes that seemed to hold stars. things like being intimate with someone for the first time in so long, having someone to hold at night, someone who could keep him warm. having someone who looked after him, worrying incessantly about his health. 

god, he was being selfish, wasn't he? he was handed the opportunity to finally debut after years, becoming successful with millions of fans looking up to him and these friends he'd have forever. but he wanted more. he shouldn't want more, not with what he already had. 

though, he decided it was alright to be selfish. he always had to work hard for what he wanted, so if he had to work hard for the thing he wanted most, then the intrusive thoughts wouldn't be able to hold him back. 

\- 

another late night brought jeongin to chan's studio. he brought food left over from dinner, because the elder left the house after lunch. 

he had forced chan away from his computer, pulling off his headphones and twirling his chair around. the container was placed in his awaiting hands, because by then chan knew to expect it. 

it had been a few weeks since talking with jisung, and chan was always wondering when would be the time to approach jeongin. it was still surreal, the thought of the younger liking him. 

it made sense, though, because after jisung's inquiry, chan had been paying more attention. he noticed quick glances, small smiles, wandering eyes. 

"um, chan," jeongin started. he was sat across from him on the couch, legs crossed and fingers fiddling together. "can we talk?" 

chan was taken back to that moment months ago, when jeongin with shaking hands, and his hushed voice whispered he liked boys like it was a horrendous sin. 

chan knew he could keep his distance, not overwhelm jeongin, but he couldn't stand seeing him tear up, shake like leaves blowing away. he sat the almost empty food container on his desk, and he moved to sit next to the younger. 

he took his hand, just like so long ago. jeongin looked up at him, teary eyes holding stars, flickering all over chan's face. 

really, the last thing chan expected was for jeongin to make the first move. he was usually so shy, never wanting to ask for affection, but he leaned up from being hunched, and he kissed chan. 

and chan just ruined it, didn't he? pulling away in shock was definitely not something he should have done. 

jeongin jumped up, not even able to form words. his hand pulled from chan's, shaking even more, and he tried hurrying to the door. 

a hand gripping his shoulder stopped him, made him root his feet to the ground in fear. he braced for harsh words, maybe even a slap, because chan pulled away. chan didn't want him. 

"jeongin-ah," chan whispered, voice sweet and comforting, so unlike what jeongin was anticipating. “don't run away. i don't want you to run away." 

"i-" and he really couldn't even talk, couldn't explain himself. 

he was too selfish, wanting someone who picked him for talent, helped him debut. he shouldn't have listened to jisung, should have kept his selfish wants to himself. 

"i'm sorry, please," chan moved to stand in front of him. jeongin couldn't even see him clearly from the tears flowing, from his eyes squinting to attempt to hold them back. "you surprised me, is all." 

chan's words barely made it to his ears, but he heard. he heard the implied information that chan wants him, didn't mean to pull back, that he wouldn't mind kissing more, being intimate, being together. 

"r-really?" his voice was finally found, finally able to voice his mind.

chan nodded, taking his hand carefully and walking back to the couch. they sat like before, and this time chan leaned in first. 

it was slow, lips brushing softly, but it was every thing they both wanted. 

"sorry," jeongin said after having to lean away to catch his breath, "jisung said some stuff, and i didn't know if i should trust him." 

"it's okay," chan said as he wiped the remnants of jeongin's tears away. "he said some stuff a few weeks ago, but i was too afraid to act on it." 

jeongin couldn't help but giggle, head falling to chan's shoulder, "thank god for jisung, then, huh?" 

"thank god for you," chan whispered, fingers brushing through dyed hair, "i was too much of a coward. i would've never done that." 

"thank god for me, then." 

and jeongin thought, maybe being selfish sometimes was okay.

**Author's Note:**

> please feel free to leave kudos and a comment if you enjoyed !! 
> 
> thank you <33


End file.
